Here is our story. I'll start at the beginning.
I have always loved children. I graduated from college with a degree in Educational Ministries to be a Children's Minister. But my dream job was to be a Mommy.
My now husband proposed to me on Good Friday, April 13th, and we were planning our wedding for October 13th. It was a whirlwind. As I was planning our wedding, one of ladies in our church approached me and asked me if I had gotten my birth control yet. It actually hadn't crossed my mind. We believe that God created sex for marriage, so we were saving ourselves for that time. She recommended a gynecologist and I made an appointment. I left with a prescription for a birth control pill. While I can't remember the name, I remember the feeling. I was uncomfortable about taking something that would alter my body chemistry and prevent something that I dreamed of. But no one told me it was okay to trust the Lord with my body and my future. We had to use some form of birth control. We were told that we needed time to get to know each other. That we needed at least 5 years of it just being us before even considering trying to get pregnant. And you know what? I believed them. Even with as uncomfortable as I was taking the pill everyday, I took it. Their words scared me into thinking that if by chance I did get pregnant before 5 years, we wouldn't be able to survive. What in the world?!? What lies! I was putting all of my trust and faith in a little pill and the words of people.
In January of 2003 we moved to Wake Forest, NC to attend Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Guess what? My first semester I took Ethics. One of the topics we covered? Birth control. Do you know what my Ethics professor told me? Birth control can cause spontaneous abortions. The only thing about the Pill that made me feel semi-comfortable was that people did get pregnant on the Pill, so it wouldn't hurt the baby. Right? Wrong. Here is what The Physician's Desk Reference says:
Combination oral contraceptives act by suppression of gonadotropins. Although the primary mechanism of this action is inhibition of ovulation, other alterations include changes in the cervical mucus, which increase the difficulty of sperm entry into the uterus, and changes in the endometrium which reduce the likelihood of implantation.
Less than a week before Christmas of 2007, my husband was offered a job in Charlotte. He accepted and had to start on December 31st. This was a trying time as we sometimes saw each other on weekends. Sometimes. Our house sold in Wake Forest and we closed on our new house in March of 2008. Three months later, I was late. I had been late before and tried so hard not to get my hopes up. But it's so hard. Two weeks later, I bought a pregnancy test and took it.
I didn't even have to wait. It was the brightest + I've ever seen. Emotions rushed through my body. I didn't know whether to jump up and down or sit on the floor and cry. I had always thought I would come up with a clever way to tell my husband if by chance this day ever came. Nope. All plans went out the window. I ran down the stairs and showed him the test. We were ecstatic!! And in shock. I couldn't believe it. I probably looked pretty silly driving down the road as I was praising the Lord all the way to work. But how could I not? It was all Him. I had given up.
The previous month, I had a little heart to heart with God. I just dumped out all my frustrations, hurts, and explained how painful it all had been. Of course this wasn't new news to Him. He knew. And He gently reminded me through His Word that He is faithful and He keeps His promises. He wouldn't leave me or forsaken me. That regardless of what happened in the future, He had a special plan for my life. I just needed to trust Him. He also reminded me that although He is faithful to keep His promises, no where in Scripture does he promise He will bless every woman with a baby from their womb. There are other ways to have children. Adoption was always on the forefront of our minds. Being a mentor to young women/youth is also a way to become a spiritual mother.
So, nine months later we blessed with our daughter. Nineteen months after that, we were blessed with our son. Eighteen months after that, we were blessed with our second son. And my heart is full. I praise the Lord for the blessing of these little beings. I warms my heart each time I hear them say “Mommy.” That was my dream. The desire of my heart. I am blessed.