Picking up yet another toy and finding yellow squash in the play kitchen, the dialogue of frustration begins. I am done for the day. And yet I have laundry in the dryer that will need to be folded and mostly put away (I don't dare try to put the kid's clothes away while they sleep) while the clothes in the washer will need to go in the dryer. As I type, I also hear the hum and shuffle of our dishwasher. Those dishes will need to be put away too. A Mama's work is never finished. But this Mama is tired.
I wonder to myself if it would be different if I worked outside our home. Maybe then our children would be just as excited to see me as they are their Daddy when he returns home. Maybe then I would be appreciated for my work. Wouldn't it be nice if for one day I could have a clean house? No mess to clean up at the end of the day. No toys to trip over as I straighten up the Living Room. After I put the kids to bed I could relax, read a book, start a craft project.
Just as quickly as those thoughts come to my mind, I take them captive to the Lord. Those thoughts are from the enemy. Those thoughts lead down a dangerous road of discontentment. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 tells us, “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.” Those thoughts are me thinking that I know better than God. That His blessings in my life aren't enough. Ouch!
I had the clean house. I had the toyless Living Room. I did work outside the home. And do you know what I wanted more than anything during that time? Toys strewn across my house. Little handprints on my glass windows, doors, and stainless steel. And little voices calling me into their room for one more story.
Tears. Lord, forgive me for thinking that your best is not enough and that I know better. I don't want to go back to that other life. Show me how to enjoy these little blessings everyday. Change my selfish heart that I am be selfless. That I wouldn't see my duties as a wife and mother as a burden, but as a blessing. May even the mundane daily activities be an act of worship to you.
They aren't little forever. The day will come that they won't want me to read one more story or sing one more song. No longer will they ask me to come and blow bubbles with them or draw with chalk on the sidewalk or cuddle on the couch as we watch their favorite movie. One day they won't slip their hand into mine as we walk down the sidewalk side by side. One day I will look back and miss this season of having little. Their innocence. Their love of life.
So for now, I will cherish each moment. I will put down my phone. Why would I think that a status on Facebook or a picture on Instagram is more important than my children? Maybe I won't be as quick to answer a question you ask or approve a comment, but I will be present with my family. Because they are most important.
Do you struggle with thoughts like these? What ways do you stomp them out or do you? I'd love to hear your thoughts!